Bernadette Griffith

You have these moments after publishing a book where other things take precedence, and while your story and your accomplishment is great, it feels so trivial when a family member has a surgery or a friend gets sick or your kid needs your attention for their accomplishments.

It gets hard to focus on being excited to sell your product as you worry and pray for others. I had this moment this morning where I actually kind of just felt flat out embarrassed by it all. The logical side of my brain wants to put everything into containers and say, “Respond appropriately here at this time.” But often, I cannot access joy when something wonderful happens, and I cannot step into fear when I should be concerned. There’s a delay because my brain needs to analyze before it feels.

There are questions to be asked.

There are possibilities to be considered.

There are options to be explored.

There is accountability to be shared.

There is the Christian response to be reached for.

But I need a moment before I can feel any of it. I’m scared that people are starting to think I’m preoccupied with my book sales and not fully present. I’m worried I’m not asking the right questions. I’m fumbling through experiences and praying people are giving me the benefit of the doubt. It feels silly because the whole book is about me struggling with permission to feel things. And here I am, hoping for permission to feel things.

I guess I’m just… overwhelmed.

Work is starting to ramp up. If anyone has a good album to listen to, let me know. I need to go on autopilot with music and filing and pulling reports right now.

I want a vacation from my head.