At the Allergist…

I’m not even sure what low dopamine means but I do know that I have difficult mornings.

1. I am constantly fighting allergies, all year round. This time of year, I want to just bury my head in a pillow and not even try. I’m so tired of being sick and tired I am making strides but very, very slowly. Switching antihistamines? Yes, it works. I just hate having to take a pill every day for the right to breathe. That doesn’t seem fair.
2. I am desperately trying to lose weight. Technically, I lost 4 lbs in 3 weeks. It sounds good. And it probably is. But the toxic part of me still wants to be down ten by now. I know that’s not real weight loss. I know it’s all about changing my habits. I’m just getting impatient. Also, this week, there’s been a tad bit of digestion issues. Not fun. I know that’s the fiber doing its job, but I’m a baby once I can’t eat.
3. I have 5 weeks until my next book event. That feels so far away, and yet, it will be here before I know it. I have to learn to enjoy the present. I have to learn to use this opportunity to grow in my spiritual life. There’s always this natural block initially though before I do anything healthy. Bobo (my younger self—read my book) just yells out, “but I don’t want toooooooooo.” Sigh.
4. I’m tired of technology. I don’t even have the language to explain that. I’m tired of learning it, tired of wearing it, tired of seeing it! Besides cochlear implants, my car is at the dealership getting a scratch buffed out and repainted (we just bought it, so it was part of the sale). Anyway, I have a 2026 loaner and everything is electronic and I HATE it. Why can’t I get a real shifter?!?! Honestly, I’d rather drive a stick shift than have to search for a button when I’m backing out of a parking space and then have to switch to drive again. Stupidest design ever. EVER!!!

My whole life is screaming at me to sit with uncomfortable feelings. I have to stop escaping everything. yes, I still struggle with that. Writing a book doesn’t cure you of anything. You just get to name stuff.

There is a guy shaking his leg in the waiting room of my allergist’s office right now, and I want to scream “stop!” at him because it’s shaking the whole floor, but he’s 3x my size.

Woo-sah.

Lord, sending you an S.O.S. today!

Come, Holy Spirit. Teach some people social graces. Teach me tolerance. Strengthen my ability to endure and judge less. Please allow me to enjoy (rather than attempting death) nature, and show me your everlasting love with a bubble of calm safety where I can’t gain anymore weight or want to throat punch strangers. I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.